Helping your teen through a faith crisis
- Jen Weaver
- May 2
- 4 min read
Updated: Jun 27
Tips for opening the conversation, and reasons they may be struggling—it may not be what you think!
When our faith means everything to us, the possibility that a teen may be rejecting it can bring a wide range of emotions. It's normal to feel afraid, hurt, angry, or disappointed. But with God's help, we can overcome our initial reactions and truly be there for them.
Tips for Talking with a Teen Who is Struggling with Their Faith
Before attempting a discussion, ask yourself:
Am I hurt, afraid, or angry? Pray for help to calm intense feelings.
Does my teen know I care about them—not just their behavior?
Do I have all the information? Are there things I don’t know?
Opening the conversation
Open-ended, non-threatening questions are best. For example:
"What’s your greatest concern right now with church?"
It may feel counterintuitive, but set aside the urge for a quick fix. If a teen senses you only care about “desired outcomes,” they may feel manipulated or unheard.
Being there
Let your teen do most of the talking. Repeat back your understanding of what you’ve heard, then ask if you got it right—and listen again.
Stay calm, even if what they share frightens or disappoints you. Your reaction shows whether you can handle honesty.
Resist the urge to rush toward solutions. Rather than saying they’ve “got it wrong,” try validating, empathizing, and showing love.
Finding Answers Together
What are your teen’s ideas for next steps? Ask for their thoughts on the pros and cons. Avoid the temptation to provide all the answers for them.
If you’d like to share something, ask:
"Are you open to hearing a thought I’m having?"
If they respond angrily or seem defeated, they may be overwhelmed. Let them know you love them and you’re a “no matter what” in their life—then try again another time.
If your teen is open to your thoughts, don’t hijack the conversation. That said, it’s okay to make mistakes—the goal is to keep the lines of communication open.
Reasons a Teen May Be Struggling with Their Faith
Theological doubts and questions
Remember: questions are good. They’re opportunities to learn what God wants to teach us. Encourage your teen to "ask in faith, believing they will receive" (James 1:5–6).
Let them know that God has given them the ability to reason. They can study the scriptures with their questions in mind, and He will answer them in His time. Let them know you have questions too—and that you seek answers the same way.
Ask if they’re open to sharing what you're each learning with one another. If yes, share in normal and natural ways that aren't overwhelming or coercive.
Encourage your teen to continue living the principles they do believe. Let them know you do the same while keeping an eternal perspective.
Remember: conversion is personal. It’s a process—and it can’t be forced.
Peer pressure
Is your teen in situations where their beliefs are being ridiculed or challenged? Let them know this is common—even among adults.
Ask:
What specific choices or beliefs are being challenged?
Is further study needed so they can feel more confident and answer questions clearly?
Do your teen’s friends know that they’re not judging them for having different beliefs or standards? Could this be addressed in a kind, non-threatening way? Help your teen find firm but kind responses that reflect their beliefs.
If situations become overwhelming, work on an exit strategy together.
For example, a safe phrase like "How's Grandma?" can communicate “Pick me up now” with no questions asked. It’s okay if they don’t master social skills immediately—there will be more opportunities.
If nothing is working and your teen is repeatedly upset, it may be time to talk about changing or expanding social circles. Can new friendships be developed so they have more options?
Bullying at church and other upsetting incidents
If your teen feels uncomfortable at church, give them space to speak freely.
Remember: people are imperfect—even church members and leaders. Don’t dismiss their experiences just because they involve a “nice family” or a likable leader.
Separate the behavior from the person. Is this an unhealthy pattern that needs to be addressed? Or a one-off petty moment that, while unhelpful, doesn’t require escalation? Pray with your teen for guidance. God has all the information. He can help you both know when to speak up, set boundaries, or create distance from someone exhibiting a pattern of harmful behavior.
Feeling "not enough"
Does your teen understand the difference between:
Discipleship as a covenant path (one imperfect step after another),
vs. a checklist of perfect behavior?
Do they know that there are no final judgments in this life, that God gives credit for trying, and that it takes a lifetime to see growth?
Do you and your teen both understand that Jesus never coerced, guilted, threatened, or shamed people into faithful behavior?
When All Is Said and Done
If your teen rejects their faith, it does not mean they are rejecting you.
Love them.
Being part of your family is participation in God’s plan.
Note: In the case of physical or sexual abuse report it to law enforcement immediately, not to church leaders first. These are criminal acts that require professional investigation—not internal handling.
Ask yourself: If my teen doesn’t have me, who do they have?
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