Ten things to remember when loving a fellow church member isn't easy

Relationships can't always be perfect—even at church. When hurtful interactions affect our happiness, our Savior can soothe our hearts and help us know how to respond.

Beautiful artwork @kaylouisedoodles

Loving God and being fully invested in our worship and service at church doesn't prevent flawed interactions between imperfect people. Sometimes, resolving conflict is easy. Other times, it is not. It may even require a radical change of heart or perspective.

Ten things to remember when loving someone at church isn't easy

1. God knows all the details of hurtful situations, friends don't. God can help us know if we need to ask for forgiveness, set boundaries, stand up for ourselves, or let it all go and love someone where their at.

2. "All or nothing" thinking—or seeing people and situations as "all good" or "all bad" is an easy trap. In reality, few things in life are that way and conflict usually involves many factors.

3. "Oneness" may require the sacrifice of pride. If imperfection is at the core of conflict (not abuse), The Savior may say, “You can be "right" or you can be mine.”

4. True peacemaking involves finding common ground instead of looking for differences.

5. Judging a person (or situation) based only on how we feel ignores the fact that most of us bring old hurts to new situations. When that's the case, it's easy to peg more on an upsetting exchange than what is warranted.

6. Jesus requires us to love our neighbor, which makes hurt and angry feelings a temptation, not an entitlement. He also ministered to those who were marginalized and abused. He stood up to patterns of negative behavior that were not Christ-like. How might resisting temptations to be hurt or angry bring peace to a difficult situation? How might resisting the temptation to do nothing and let abusive behavior lead to needed resolution?

7. We've heard it before, but it's true; "There isn't anyone you couldn't love, once you've heard their story." - Mary Lou Kownacki

8. Why is this situation particularly hard for me? Is there something God would have me learn about the past, my Savior, or myself?

9. An offensive remark can become a window or a door. Like a window, it can let in light and new understanding. Like a door, it can become a locked barrier to hide behind in darkness and in fear.

10. In the Garden of Gethsemane, The Savior stood by each one of us as He took upon Himself our sin, weakness, and pain. Now, we have the opportunity to stand by Him. We can do this in the reactions we choose. ❤️

Beautiful art by @kaylouisedoodles

---

Note: Hurt at church can usually be resolved by giving grace. Emotional abuse is different. Repeated patterns of negative behavior, mistreatment, or coercion should not be tolerated. These must quickly be addressed to ensure environments are safe for all and for the prevention of spiritual wounds.