Ten things to remember when loving a fellow church member isn't easy

Relationships can’t always be perfect—even at church. When hurtful interactions affect our happiness, our Savior can soothe our hearts and help us know how to respond.

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Loving God and being fully invested in our worship and service at church doesn’t prevent flawed interactions between imperfect people. Sometimes, resolving conflict is easy. Other times, it’s not. It may even require a radical change of heart or perspective.

Ten things to remember when loving someone at church isn't easy

1. God knows all the details of hurtful situations—friends don’t. He can help us know whether to ask for forgiveness, set boundaries, stand up for ourselves, or simply let it go and love someone where they’re at.

2. "All or nothing" thinking—seeing people or situations as entirely good or entirely bad—is an easy trap. In reality, few things in life are that black and white. Conflict usually involves many factors.

3. Oneness may require the sacrifice of pride. If imperfection (not abuse) is at the core of conflict, the Savior may lovingly whisper, “You can be right—or you can be mine.”

4. True peacemaking involves looking for common ground instead of focusing on differences.

5. Judging someone (or a situation) based solely on how we feel ignores that most of us bring old hurts into new experiences. It’s easy to read more into an upsetting moment than is actually there.

6. Jesus requires us to love our neighbor—which makes hurt or angry feelings a temptation, not an entitlement. However, He also ministered to the marginalized and stood up to patterns of behavior that weren’t Christlike.

Ask yourself: How might resisting the temptation to be angry bring peace?

How might resisting the temptation to do nothing in the face of harmful behavior lead to spiritual wounds?

7. We’ve heard it before, but it’s true: “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.”– Mary Lou Kownacki

8. A good question to ask may be: Why is this situation especially hard for me?

Is there something God wants me to learn—about the past, my Savior, or myself?

9. An offensive remark can become either a window or a door. Like a window, it can let in light and new understanding. Like a door, it can become a barrier to hide behind in fear and darkness.

10. In the Garden of Gethsemane, the Savior stood by each of us as He took upon Himself our sin, weakness, and pain. Now, we have the chance to stand by Him—by choosing how we respond to imperfect behavior. ❤️

Note: Hurt at church can often be resolved by giving grace. Abuse (in all its forms) is different. Repeated patterns of mistreatment, coercion, or controlling behavior should never be tolerated.