What a good shepherd taught me about mentoring teens

In a scripture study class, a student shared something that forever changed how I related to teens.

"Does anyone know anything about 'Good Shepherds?'"

That was my segue into John 10:1-18. A student raised his hand and answered.

"Shepherds gather their sheep at the gate of an enclosure at the end of the day. Then, they check for the day's wounds, and minister to each one before sheltering them for the night.”

That was many years ago, but my throat still catches when I think of it.

I was the teacher, but clearly, I was the one being taught.

A feeling of warmth came over me along with a clear thought—your home is full of “at the gate” moments with your teens.

Except, lately, it hadn't been.

Instead of a "good shepherd's" gate, interactions felt more like screenings at the gate of airport security. After my student's comment, I stopped searching my teens for "behavior issues" and red flags for church gossip. Instead, I looked for wounds. (Though I wasn't sure I'd know how to effectively minister.) Before we get to that, some basic facts about sheep, shepherds, and hirelings:

Sheep are...

• prone to wander

• easily lost

• emotionally complex

• herd dependent

• known to follow other sheep into dangerous situations

• capable of long-lasting bonds with humans

• willing to trust/follow the voice of their shepherd

• better off with shepherds than hirelings

Hirelings are...

• hired contract workers (their relationship with sheep is only temporary)

• movers of sheep, not shelterers (so, no nightly wound ministering)

• drivers at the rear with fear (otherwise no sheep would follow them)

• the first to flee when there's danger (terms no longer benefit them)

  
  

Good Shepherds are...

• owners of sheep (their relationships with sheep are long-term)

• shelterers of sheep at night (to protect them from predators)

• trusted by sheep (they lead with their voice at the front of the herd)

• willing to lay down their life for their sheep when wolves come

  
  

From that, one thing is clear—shepherds know their sheep! Though they may expect dumb behavior (at times), it's obvious shepherds still give sheep room for decision-making. They don't pen their sheep 24/7. This brings us to wounds.

Things shepherds do (and don't do) while tending wounds

Things shepherds don't say to confused, lost, or wounded sheep...

• "You followed Fred?"

• "What were you thinking!"

• "Do you know what could have happened?"

• "Who's going to pay for this?"

• "Say something!"

Things good shepherds might say...

• "Are you okay?"

• "That must have been scary!"

• "What happened next?"

• "I can see why it was hard to know what to do."

• "Considering all that's happened, you must have concerns."

• "What's stressing you now?"

• "You don't have to feel this way forever."

• "There's a plan in place for things like this."

• "Learning from mistakes and then moving forward with confidence is possible with Jesus Christ."

That was my Good Shepherd ministered to me.

In case you're wondering, He can do it for you.

It's never too late.

He knows all things.