Ideas for resolving conflict at church
- Jen Weaver
- May 2
- 2 min read
Updated: 19 hours ago
Reaching out can be a healing experience—or, it can be a disaster.
Here are a few helpful ideas for how to reach a peaceful resolution.
Helpful:
Asking ahead of time, "Can we talk? I have a concern or worry." Then, at an agreed upon time and place, communicate with calm words (and body language).
...not helpful ↓
Springing an emotionally charged conversation on a person unprepared, without their consent, and/or at an inappropriate place or time.
Helpful:
Statements such as, "I feel" or "I'm concerned about." (Remember to give the other person a chance to express their feelings too!)
...not helpful ↓
Statements that accuse, blame, or start with personal pronouns—for example, "You..." One sided conversations with little to no listening are unhelpful as well.
Helpful:
Giving room for the other person to "save face." It can be difficult for any of us to admit to 100% wrongdoing!
...not helpful ↓
Holding on to an "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality, or accepting nothing less than "100% responsibility" for one's actions.
Helpful:
Understanding that not everyone is comfortable with resolving conflict. Also, some issues may be extra sensitive, or even an emotional trigger. Respecting boundaries if someone is unable to engage in a conversation is also a part of healthy, compassionate relationships.
...not helpful ↓
Pushing boundaries with someone who is unwilling to communicate, or ignoring signs that they are uncomfortable (even if your intentions are good).
Helpful:
Loving people where they're at. When has someone done that for you? How did it lead to later change or made a difference?
...not helpful ↓
Expecting others to be where you think they "should be."
If your best efforts fail and resolution isn't possible
It's okay. Sometimes relationships are imperfect -- even at church. Do your best to be kind and forgiving, then hand the situation over to God. Maybe this isn't the right time (for reasons you don't understand).
If interactions escalate to bullying, harassment, or other forms of abusive behavior, set some boundaries of your own. Forgiveness doesn't require allowing others to mistreat us or our family members—even at church. All forms of abusive behaviors are un-Christlike. They can not be allowed to continue.
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