Ideas for resolving conflict at church when things get sticky
- Jen Weaver
- May 2
- 2 min read
Updated: Jun 27
Reaching out can be a healing experience—or, it can be a disaster.
Here are a few helpful ideas for how to reach a peaceful resolution.
Helpful:
Asking ahead of time, "Can we talk? I have a concern." Then, communicating with calm words (and body language) at an agreed-upon time and place.
...not helpful ↓
Springing an emotionally charged conversation on someone without their consent, when they are unprepared, or at an inappropriate time or place.
Helpful:
Statements such as, "I feel" or "I'm concerned about." (Remember to give the other person a chance to express their feelings too!)
...not helpful ↓
Statements that accuse, blame, or start with personal pronouns—for example, "You..." One-sided conversations with little to no listening are unhelpful as well.
Helpful:
Giving the other person room to "save face." It can be difficult for anyone to admit to 100% wrongdoing!
...not helpful ↓
Holding on to an "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality, or expecting nothing less than 100% responsibility from the other person.
Helpful:
Recognize that not everyone is comfortable with conflict, and some issues may be sensitive or triggering. Respecting boundaries when someone can’t engage is key to compassionate relationships.
...not helpful ↓
Pushing boundaries with someone unwilling to communicate or ignoring signs that they're uncomfortable (even if your intentions are good).
Helpful:
Loving people where they are. When has someone done this for you?
How did it lead to later change or made a difference?
...not helpful ↓
Expecting others to be where you think they "should be."
If your best efforts fail
It's okay. Sometimes relationships are imperfect—even at church.
Do your best to be kind and forgiving, then give it to God. Maybe this isn't the right time for resolution for reasons you don't understand.
If interactions escalate to bullying, harassment, or other forms of abusive behavior, address them and set clear boundaries. Christ-like forgiveness doesn't allow mistreatment. All forms of abusive behaviors are un-Christlike and must not be allowed to continue.
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